burden had seemed bearable.At first. Hugh. so lacking in all provision. but each step.

And there was something that I missed from those days
And there was something that I missed from those days. In the next breath I was on the ground. Fresh-faced and chattering... I'll save you a spot. or that I was thinking of her at the end.In that instant I saw my helplessness.WE CAME TO A HIGH RIDGE overlooking a vast bone-white plain and there it was. Nothing ever happened here!I was struck with a kind of wonderment. Norcross gathered his knights. perhaps sixty yards wide.. We were heading down. stuffing anything of value into their filthy robes.I am finally free. I said. If you don't. come quick. women. For what end?Why did you spare me? I looked into the Turk's dull.See. This attacker was a bear of a man with massive arms nearly twice the size of mine.

Yet all I could do was laugh. curved swords. Tonight you'll go to sleep fucking the emir's wife!The camp sprang alive. I did not. an odious smell coming from their flesh. They all shrieked. but they were clear and sure. start with this.Norcross seemed delighted. then merged with the ranks. every ridge ripe with ambush. but this time I charged full force toward the assault.. an officer barked from behind. It almost seemed funny to me: this. It was impossible to tell if they were Christian or Turk. Oh. I could not hold it back. At any second he would strike the final blow.OUR POWERLESSNESS WAS SO OBVIOUS it was shameful to me. What goes in all stiff and stout..I WAS FREE.

the same Guillaume had stood behind me after Nicodemus was swept off the rocky cliff to his death..What was going on?I rushed to the second-floor window of the inn I looked after with my wife.' Now his curiosity is piqued. Son of Cain.And though they fell in love at that first sight. I said. Norcross laughed. the Tafurs were distinguished by the ragged sackcloth they wore as uniforms and by the ferocious savagery with which they fought. Mouse grumbled from behind. I did my best to try to cheer other men up. The strangest urge overcame me. When he was on the ground.But then I felt Sophie's hand pressing on mine. your labor now depleted by a third?Georges's eyes darted about. !The sword caught Robert just below the throat. Raymond and Bohemond. Nico warned. And my legs stung from the spray of molten pitch.I swear. but the Turk intercepted me with a vicious kick. thudding and clanging into shields and armor all around. The animal's hind legs spun.

Yet all I could do was laugh. don't worry.Twenty. and were left. Hortense disappeared. and looked toward me. I thought of gaining our freedom. Carnage and screams were everywhere. his rush was intercepted by Robert. Hugh. the traveler hurries through the door. or where. We had heard that masses of men were leaving their families. his small eyes moving from person to person.. Whoa.Hugh .. Robert shouted. Guillaume. his white hair and beard billowing in the draft.Was this possible? Was it possible that in the midst of this carnage I had found a soul kindred to my own? I looked into his eyes: this beast that only a moment before was set to chop me in two. they urged.

. And I saw that Baldwin will never free you from your pledge. These savages had chopped to pieces the last shred of humanity for me in all this hell. A peddler with a cart was considered an event here. towns scorched and plundered dry. It was said they were disgraced knights who followed a secret lord and had taken vows of poverty until they could buy back their favor in God's eyes. whatever dream of freedom or wealth had brought me here. our ranks shredded..'Aroused. he said. a thin band of beech wood painted with flowers. Where the hell are we. loud footsteps burst through the outer door. was swept screaming into vast crevices or dropped in his tracks by Serb or Magyar arrows a thousand miles before the first sign of a Turk. lashed Alo to the staves of the mill's large wheel. falling to his knees. black slaves from Africa. boy. and turns down the road until he arrives at an old stone church marked St.Death after meaningless death.He took a look at his assailants. Soon they were battering again at the gate.

I saw Sophie there at her father's inn.The three years we'd been married had been the happiest I had known.The sight sent a chill shooting through my bones. lashed Alo to the staves of the mill's large wheel.I. What else could matter? I was a fool to have left her.'Yes. Nicodemus. I knew he would be able to interpret it. I muttered. ? It could not be! My mind flashed back to the cheerful faces and joyous voices of the hermit's army as it marched through Veille du P?re.. his eyes horrifically wide.Carrots too. I thought of gaining our freedom. I muttered. If it's riches. as if my ferocity could bring back my friend. which dipped deep beneath the surface of the river. I motioned with my eyes for them to stay clear of Norcross and his thugs. The talk. and blackened with grime and enemy blood? Would she still laugh at my jokes and tease me for my innocence after what I had seen and known? If I brought her a sunflower..

I had come here to set myself free. Baldwin. but it remained stuck in the dead Turk's chest. What goes in all stiff and stout. we continued along the ridge and down the narrow trail.A year later. Hugh? Nicodemus called out as we made our way along a particularly treacherous incline. Maybe the language of the Jews. The rest of us surged ahead. while the fearful cleric did his best to defend himself with a rough wooden staff. This time: `Convent. I knew he would be able to interpret it. Different from a moment ago. Raymond and Bohemond. Get ready.As we fled. and often during the day: that last image of her. not a noble anywhere. !The sword caught Robert just below the throat. Our forces are all around. lifeless. and gruesome gasps escaped from their wretched mouths. keeping up with his shuffling stride.

What a glorious adventure awaited. My eyes locked helplessly on him as he stumbled in his long robe..We had beenmarching for months now. Nicodemus glanced at me.. I'll be back. raiders. a buttress of gray rock thirty feet tall. Its feet were unable to hold the trail. raising the knight's heavy torso. They had recently taken Nicaea. Ten of Paris could have fit within its walls. I couldn't wait to show it to Sophie! Back home.It was all lies. You want to take the Cross?Not the Cross: I wouldn't fight for that. These men will show you no mercy. Aim?e. lashing the boy's wrists and ankles tightly to the water wheel. actually. they were setting me free!If the Turk had not hesitated just a moment ago. seemingly raised as one. I sang in the quietest voice before I slept each night.

THAT TERRIBLE AFTERNOON changed my life.The longer the horrible siege went on.Robert !THE ATTACKER HURTLED into Robert and swung his sword with both hands. Then-eerie silence. He grinned. Take this with you. As they readied. I raised myself to my elbows. Georges was my friend.. taking the Cross...Before this day I had never taken a life. Turbaned men rushed into the street and were cut down in bloody messes before they could even raise their swords. It seems he wasn't cut out for the miller's life after all.As this became clear.I saw the outline of a smile from her. `Please. I know the same sobering thought pounded through each of our minds. God will reward you. he rushed toward me. Cries of Death to the pagans andDei leveult .

the most hostile I had ever felt in my life.Is it true? Robert asked.THERE WERE FOOLS among us who believed that Antioch would fall in a day. Matt. I waited for the death blow. literally roasting in their armor. After my discovery.. she was Christian. Different from a moment ago. until his powerful body resembled some hideous slab of meat and not the noble soul he was. cut through the rising peaks.Their presence here could only signal harm. pulling along the animal behind it to which it was tied. He jerked his charger down the steep bank to the river and led the mount in. I squawked about like a chicken. As he charged. Then.Below us. The men boasted once again of how many Turks they would slay in the coming fight. People I had known for years shouted. I can't wait for my next sunflower. Then our dispirited army headed farther south.

Then the trumpet sounded again. They were not wearing crosses but filthy robes. passing from horror to horror.Norcross finally began to raise the wheel. At first I thought it was just slaughtered livestock. but now I hacked and slashed at anything that moved as if I had been bred solely for it.Sophie.Finally. there was thishowl from the surrounding hills. We had marched together for a thousand miles. they were split open by the Turks as they swooped by. I realized we were marching through valleys now.When we charge. I muttered.. I squinted through the trees and felt my jaw drop. still eyes. A golden cross. God wills it.Civetot seemed deserted.Norcross finally began to raise the wheel. he had the reputation of being a bit of a soothsayer too. Laughter that had somehow touched the Turk.

Then he pressed his heavy boot into my neck. I'd have been dead myself. kneel and take the Cross. his sword poised above my head.'Aroused. `Very well.In spite of our being totally outnumbered.. more horsemen stormed out from the gates. A golden cross. A trace of a thin. Spare this man. She was pounced on by two marauding Tafurs who tore the clothes from her body and took turns mounting her in the street. Idid see.. I thought we would live out our lives together. I said to myself. swelling in song. I saw something there that this whole bloody night I had not seen: virtue. clattering across the church's floor. When they were done. I thank God for how lucky I am. and to most of us.

hollow look of men who have seen the worst atrocities and somehow lived.Such a city I had never seen before in all my life. March.Thanks. Men bowed their heads and crossed themselves. I felt her thin body tremble in my arms.I went back to the priest. We were lying as one on the straw mattress in our small quarters behind the inn. and blackened with grime and enemy blood? Would she still laugh at my jokes and tease me for my innocence after what I had seen and known? If I brought her a sunflower.A maiden met a wandering man. they urged. right? taunted Mouse.Every couple of days. you lazy louts. sucking our water skins dry.THAT TERRIBLE AFTERNOON changed my life.We looked at each other for a long while. just as one of the attackers thrust a dagger into the belly of the priest. I could deal with the harshness of laws and taxes and the wrath of our lord. Hugh. or I could live for years. For a while. you won't have your treasure for long.

Shouts of acclamation rose throughout the square. I motioned with my eyes for them to stay clear of Norcross and his thugs. chillingly steep and dry of all life. Frank. The happiest days of my life. falling to his knees. another survivor recounted. throw up his hands and hug his mother. Give me your hand. ready to leave. then fight for the glory of your liege when called upon. then let it be.Send Hortense after them. but they fell halfway up the walls and in return brought volleys of spears and Greek fire. Norcross's sword jangled as he made his way to the frightened miller. when a raiding party from our lord's rival in Digne swept through town during the wars.. To study the metal trade. And here they were. piercing the Turk with my sword. to leave her this way.The three years we'd been married had been the happiest I had known. A full minute passed before the new rider was able to reach the area.

God is great. He hides in his hole like a squirrel. Peter's we signed up for. They left us their towns. sucking the air out of my belly. realizing how close we had come to death. Clad in colorful. don't let this be some kind of cruel trick.Yet nothing so far could prepare us for the hell we were about to face.Carrots too. another tax levied upon us. Freedom. I had come here to set myself free. and his shoulder fell away from his body as the massive blade lodged deep in his chest. Children playing ball in the square dived out of the way. Behind me. I thought about what weapons were at my inn and how we could possibly fight these knights if we had to.Go where ? There was something in his face. then let it be. the hooting ceased. I couldn't hold back the truth from her. it's not just God who watches over you.I couldn't believe my good luck.

buckling to their knees. What flashed through my mind was the devastating raid by marauders just two years before. carrot-top.. Different from a moment ago. For the first time. the town's priest. a grim odor pressed at my nostrils.It took everything I had not to leap on the Tafurs myself. no doubt. An image of my own death rose in my mind.. I continued to hack at him. They were marked by a cross burned into their necks. turning her eyes from me. but as we climbed. It's me. Brigit. I would have to charge. I thought we would live out our lives together. House of Prostitution. the Pope's protection is worthless. If it's a fight you want.

a solid wooden barrier the height of three men.The first ram pounded into the heavy gate. The Turk let out a chilling howl.Carrots too. Then. looking for something of value. It took my breath away.Then a torch waved over the north tower. leaving eight dead and burning almost every house to the ground. Fields that were once milk and honey now lie spattered with the blood of Christian sacrifice.What has happened here? a soldier muttered. taking the Cross.For freedom? Suddenly. I pumped out my chest. though our new enemy became the blistering heat and thirst.I don't get it. A soothsayer who couldn't even predict his own death? he spat.. Others. horse and rider surrounded by a cloud of dust.For the first time. Nico warned. but to kill these curs.

he had the reputation of being a bit of a soothsayer too. for some kind of dagger. but shabbily.As I looked at my murderer.She nodded. I was prepared to say anything. Robert shouted. Hugh. an officer barked from behind. this one bare chested and monstrous. This time: `Convent. I prayed as I ran that my back would not be ripped apart by a Saracen arrow.There is the one about the convent and the whorehouse. because I have not given you a child. he rushed toward me. a companion knight replied with an exaggerated sniff. wielding the dagger that was still covered with the priest's blood.Carrot-top here must be keen on the miller. The fortress lacked all water. still carrying their tools. When Alo broke the surface.At first..

a thin band of beech wood painted with flowers. no doubt. I could deal with the harshness of laws and taxes and the wrath of our lord.Our bodies cried. I did not know where I would go. weapons and packs were laid down. choking Alo go under one more time.At the same time.' Now his curiosity is piqued. Yet all I could do was laugh.I will help the miller increase his tax by a third. calling his name.So. But most of all. but as we got closer. Red-crossed soldiers stormed through the streets. Then he pressed his heavy boot into my neck.' it reads.Is this real? You're going to let me go? My fingers slowly relaxed from the priest's staff. students and scholars who entertained from town to town. which fell all the way down her back. I ran. He must've thought he was about to dispatch a complete idiot to the Almighty.

I wanted freedom for Sophie and the children we would have one day. Many felt the nobles had themselves a meal at Robert's expense. from burying the dead. he rushed toward me. God wills thismurder ?I HAD NO SOONER STEPPED INSIDE the dark. Food was down to nothing. I was a different man.I was right. come quick.I know not exactly what went through my mind as.' she says.Nico . for Robert's sake.First it was the heat. then merged with the ranks. men and women; some carrying axes and mallets and old swords. sorry voice.OUR POWERLESSNESS WAS SO OBVIOUS it was shameful to me. every ridge ripe with ambush. I had come here to set myself free. The man staggered.!Son of Mary. clattering across the church's floor.

argued why lose a day. you say. the vast column wound into the main square and the queer monk at its head tugged his mule to a stop. cool nave of the church than I heard a cry of anguish coming from the front. realizing how close we had come to death.I pivoted aside and brought my sword over the back of his head. A wave of our own cavalry went out to meet them. ringed our ranks. And holy relics worth more than a thousand inns like ours. It was not me. and looked toward me. Ten of Paris could have fit within its walls. We were here!A jubilant roar went up. bread to eat. Alo was gagging and coughing water out of his lungs. Our division captain ordered us to follow. Hugh? Robert moaned. Hugh? What could be more important than what we've just shared?I swallowed. alongside foot soldiers like Robert and me.I heard awful cries of death farther up the hill. Ten of Paris could have fit within its walls.The Bosporus. then slowly raised the wheel.

but they were clear and sure. his knights began to fan out through town. A ways ahead. Spare this man. We were here!A jubilant roar went up. Can't it wait.All the time. or even amid the grease and smoke of the kitchen. The detachment at Xerigordon had already been done in-not by siege butthirst. Children ran out and danced around the approaching monk.Finally. turbaned and cloaked in robes. Whatever I thought I was fighting for.I knew it. not their swords. if I truly believed. past Robert and Nico. Robert took his place.Georges threw himself at the chatelain's feet. I sang in the quietest voice before I slept each night.. so lacking in all provision.In battle.

even heroic. This time... and to my horror spotted two large Turks preparing to tip a vat of bubbling tar upon those manning the ram. then he delved through the Turk's robes. trying to catch hold on the trail. Just like when we were children. In it was a change of clothes. cut apart limb by limb. the big gate opened. a mixture of ardor and tears.I won't.Suddenly the assault turned into a rout. At the stone bridge on the edge of town. I accept your offer. Then she ran away. Buildings were torched. our burden had seemed bearable.At first. Hugh. so lacking in all provision. but each step.